Marriage #iḥsānology – collection 9

This is the ninth collection of short summaries of content from Shajarat al-Maʿārif which I post to my Twitter and Facebook accounts. There are other collections. The numbers at the end of entries refer to the item number in the printed text in order to facilitate its reference.

This collection focuses on beneficence and excellence related to marriage.

I usually break #iḥsānology material into 140 character chunks and then post topical collections here on the blog. Sharing these smaller chunks facilitates their spread through social media, especially when I want to buffer them out and then trickle them out over several days. Usually this is fine since most chunks are useful on their own and not harmful when read individually. While the same can be said about most of the marriage-related #iḥsānology material, I am concerned with the wisdom of breaking it up into chunks given the overall lack of familiarity with Islamic law relate to marriage, and general sensitivities pertaining to spousal relations. But I am likewise concerned with hiding parts of legitimate Islamic scholarship just because some people may find it offensive. (I do not consider honesty and scholarly integrity luxuries. But that’s something for another day.)

These are some of the reasons why majority of the marriage-related #iḥsānology material is being presented in a single blog post instead of spread out over many chunks.

All of the following entries come from section 387 of the book.


Guardians:

  • take initiative to join them w/the best suitable spouse, as Shuʿayb w/Mūsā; ʿUmar w/Abū Bakr & ʿUthmān

Husbands:

  • performing duties owed to wives (housing, expenses, mahr, etc) w/complete devotion & beneficence,& a smile on the face
  • maintaining wives’ physical safety & chastity & privacy
  • enjoining wives to perform the good & avoid the objectionable; to maintain purification, prayers, fasting & alms
  • not barring wives from visiting parents, caring for them when sick, or attending their janāzah
  • not barring wives from nursing their infants from another man
  • not barring a wife’s relatives from visiting her in his house
  • not barring wives from performing Ḥajj nor from performing prayers at the start of their time
  • not barring wives from recommended fasts nor from voluntary night prayers
  • spending time with, play with, and converse with their wives
  • occasionally assisting their wives to observe mubāḥ entertainment
  • protecting their wives’ privacy & secrets, & do not spy on them to learn what she keeps hidden
  • quickly returning to their wives after a trip, but not unannounced in the middle of the night
  • caring for a sick wife, treating her with gentleness throughout her sickness
  • asking others about theirs wives when unable to do so directly [eg during travel]
  • not despising wives; being patient with a wife that they dislike—they don’t hurt her to oppress her
  • interacting with wives with all the devotion they can muster & all the good that they have
  • He ﷺ said “The best of you are the ones best with their wives. And I am the best of you towards my wives.”

Wives:

  • not delaying the marriage party & cohabitation once the husband asks
  • not delaying intercourse beyond what is typical & called for
  • maintain their safety & privacy, & reside in their husband’s house
  • not letting others enter the husband’s house nor eat from his food w/o his permission
  • when demanding their rights from husbands they do so with beneficence & are patient if he has financial difficulties
  • maintaining cleanliness & follow the sunnahs regarding hygiene; they avoid odoriferous & unpleasant foods
  • not denying her husband’s goodness towards her

There is more from this section related to marriage problems and support.