The “Dear Mufti…” tweets express some of the messages conveyed within many of the requests I received. Some of the original question were sincere and serious, others were trollish. While most of the questions presented here are caricatures of groups of questions, a few are close to verbatim.
- Q
- “Dear Mufti, Declare riba halal so Allah declares war against you instead of me.”
- A
- No.
- Q
- “Dear Mufti, Affirm my lifestyle as Islamic & all prior centuries were misguided in spite of their greater piety & access to evidence.”
- A
- No.
- Q
- “Dear Mufti, Declare it super-duper double-plus haram to insult my corrupt lifestyle!”
- A
- The general prohibitions suffice & apply to all.
- Q
- “Dear Mufti, I did something all Muslims say is a haram. It’s halal, right? LOL!”
- A
- Are you asking about tawbah or declaring you don’t care?
- Q
- “Dear Mufti, Me and my halal-⟨boyfriend, girlfriend, whiskey, etc…⟩…”
- A
- /Blank look.
- Q
- “Dear Mufti, Is it halal to eat haram meat?”
- A
- I think you’re your own mufti on this one.